Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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