fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
