I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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