Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
