I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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