I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
