Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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