do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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