Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
