so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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