I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
