I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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