no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
