is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
