it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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