Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
