LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
