listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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