I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
