My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
