Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
