Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
