My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
