No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
