so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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