I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
