He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
