i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
