Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
