How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
