My cat gives me a boner
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
