I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
