But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
