He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
