omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
