at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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