Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
