everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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