You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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