My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
