At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
