i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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