Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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