Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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