Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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