He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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