What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
