well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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