You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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