It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were trust falling into bushes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
