My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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