she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
