Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is not my ceiling
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
