You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
