a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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