are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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