told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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