I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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