dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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