Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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