everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
