so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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