I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
