she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
