im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
