There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
