looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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